Oh, man. I hate today! It’s usually very hard for me to hate a Friday but…this one really sucks. And it’s not even like anything unusually bad has happened today. It’s just been a dumb, shitty day.

When I went to bed last night, it felt like I had been drugged. I was exhausted. But also I was having like, really weird dreams before I was fully asleep. I woke up at 6:20 when my alarm went off because I need to be in Manhattan at 7:45 on most Fridays. Needless to say, I hit the snooze button at least twice because I didn’t fully wake up until 6:45. So then I was rushed to take a shower, get dressed, pack my lunch and blow dry my hair. I decided I would just bring my make up with me and put it on when I got to work. This was a real gamble because I wasn’t sure if I’d see my barista crush or not when I picked up my coffee on the way to the subway. My only stroke of luck today was that he wasn’t working.

Actually, I was also lucky in that I didn’t have to wait for the subway for very long today. (This has been a particularly bad commuting week for me.) However, I was struck by a mild panic attack after I felt like my foot was falling asleep on my walk to my subway stop and I got kind of hot and sweaty and I felt a little pain in my right leg, which I convinced myself was a blood clot that was going to lead to a stroke, which would occur specifically while I was on the L between Bedford and 1st Ave. Upon making it all the way to Union Square, I felt a great sense of relief that I was not dead. Indeed, I was alive! I walked sweatily up the stairs and onto misty 14th Street, which is not as terrible as usual before 8 am.

I left my appointment at 8:30 and walked 15 blocks to work in the rain. It was worth it not to get sweaty again. Also, my hair was already ruined. But the only thing worse than being on the subway on a rainy day is walking down a New York City sidewalk full of shuffling, inept assholes who don’t know how to carry their umbrellas. I’m not the first person to complain about. You all know what I’m talking about. And I’m not sure just how enraged I can get about this because I’m sure we’ve all been a shuffling, inept asshole who doesn’t know how to carry an umbrella to someone else at least once in our lives.

Hm, okay. What else sucks? I dunno, just being at work. I won’t go into too much detail but I will say that I am not being made happy by the collective terrible energy and general creepiness of atmosphere in my office.

Also! Oh, this one was annoying. UPS has not been able to deliver a package to me at work for the last two days. I needed this package on Wednesday, so. It’s too fucking late now. I had to call UPS to see where the package was and it took me like 10 minutes to figure out their automated system and then I waited for 20 minutes to speak to a customer service representative who told me it was my fault that the package wasn’t delivered because I had entered an incomplete address. (I hadn’t. At all. And besides, I chose the address that Amazon/UPS suggested after I had entered it when I was ordering this item.) I told him that I realized he had nothing to do with this, but that it was very frustrating situation and I guess I kind of yelled at him, which made me feel a little bit empowered but also a little bit embarrassed because I sit in an open office space. Anyway, now I need to go out and physically buy this thing that I ordered or reorder it from Amazon and have it sent to my home address. (Um, I realize I was vague about the item before this and that’s sort of weird, so I’ll tell you right now that it’s just a book that I had ordered as a gift for someone.) Amazon, by the way, refunded me for the item since it was technically sent back to them, so I guess that’s cool.

I had a shitty lunch because I have been packing my own lunch to save more money and I am not happy with anything that’s not a $12 salad from Sweetgreen anymore. So, I’m starving right now and am about to go to town on a huge thing of minty holiday M&Ms we have in the office.

Other tiny things that are bothering me:

– Rain, in general
– How dark it is outside
– How tired I have been all week
– My renewed anxiety about money, which is hitting me big time for a few big reasons right now
– What, in general, I am going to do with my life
– Year end list anxiety, which happens every year as lists roll out before I am done making my lists of my favorite things of the year (something I genuinely enjoy and have never been paid to do), which I only share with friends and you, readers, if you are lucky

Things that were somewhere between OK and cool today:

– Listening to the Sky Ferreira album on repeat
– Drinking a regular Coke for the first time in forever
– Being able to write out my frustration in under 20 minutes

Welp, here’s hoping I can add more more things to that second list before this day is done. And I will leave you with this, my favorite rainy day song, I guess because it fits the weather and my current mood and I’m listening to it right now: