As I mentioned in my two previous posts, this week was and continues to be strange. Though I’m normally a heavy sleeper, I’ve woken up in the middle of the night most nights this week because of dreams directly related to the things I’m worried about. I’ve gone from starting a new job on Monday to beginning my jury duty service yesterday. I noticed wrinkles around my eyes for the first time and that my nails, bare after months of gel manicures, look like shit now. I’ve yet to plan to do anything about either issue, even though I’ve become obsessed with the idea of giving myself a makeover to distract myself from the anxiety of my real life. Every time I’ve tried writing, I get psyched out or extremely distracted. I’m sure this could be solved by free-writing or writing as soon as I get up, but it seems this week I’m intent on punishing myself.
All that said, I am in a much more chill headspace than I was on Tuesday night when I wrote about my fear of the unknown. I was able to enjoy a few things this week. Here they are!
1. Alison Bechdel’s Are You My Mother?
(I hope to write about this soon. It affected me…pretty profoundly.)
2. White Hinterland, “Ring the Bell”
(Not so new, but I just got really into it in the past week.)
3. Emily Gould’s essay about being in and getting out of debt as a writer (excerpted from MFA vs NYC: The Two Cultures of American Fiction)
4. ScHoolboy Q, “Los Awesome”
5. The absolute nonsense that was the fourth season finale of Downton Abbey
Last night, I wrote a post about being anxious. I mentioned in that post that I just had a whole week off – well, mostly – and I want to assure you that I did things other than “nothing” and feeling anxious. Obviously, I watched a lot of the Olympics. I don’t really have anything to say about them because everyone watched them (unless you were boycotting, which I am too basic to do) and probably had the same exact thoughts that I did. (Actually, serious question: Was everyone else very into the freestyle skiing events?)
I feel like I watched a lot of comedy stuff on TV/Netflix/the internet while I was off, which I guess “goes” with my whole doing nothing aesthetic during that time. My favorite out of all of those things was probably Broad City. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Broad City is a new show on Comedy Central starring and created by Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer. It’s based on the popular web series of the same name. I’m sure I would have watched this eventually but I have to give major thanks to my roommate Kim for making me watch the first episode – and then every other episode that’s aired – on Saturday. I found that I related to this more than another series that I recently wrote about, also about 20 somethings living in New York.
I also watched the whole first season of Kroll Show – also on Comedy Central – on Sunday morning. I’d only watched a few clips – well, I’d only watched the PubLIZity bits, actually, because Jenny Slate is in those – when the show came out last year and never bothered to watch entire episodes. I saw Nick Kroll a few months ago – at a show hosted by Queen Jenny Slate, no less – and I enjoyed him way more than I thought I would. I remembered that at some point last week when I was reading about the second season of the show and was compelled to watch the first season, I liked a lot of it. But as with any show that features so many sketches and characters, I don’t like everything. My favorite thing is probably “Oh, Hello” with Kroll and John Mulaney.
This brings me to John Mulaney’s standup special, New In Town, which I can’t believe I never saw until last week. (It’s like…two years old?) I watched it two and a half times in a week. So, I dunno, I guess I’m riding the Mulaney train pretty hard right now. Better late than never.
As for the other stuff I got into, I’ll be brief. I am now a fan of the television show Hannibal, which is not something I thought would happen. I read the graphic novel Berlin: City of Smoke by Jason Lutes, which I liked, just not as much as its predecessor Berlin: City of Stones. And I started playing Dots on my iPhone pretty much constantly, which I suppose is the biggest reason that I didn’t get any writing done at all. I was too busy connecting dots with my fingertip on my telephone.
Oh, hello. I’m not sure what to write tonight because I got out of the habit of writing anything last week. During my week off between my last job and starting my new one – the first day was yesterday – and I did a whole lot of nothing, sort of purposefully I guess. I needed to do nothing pretty badly. I mean, I did a lot of errands and sent necessary emails and reported for jury duty one day, so I did do things, just nothing creatively productive.
I’m not very good at starting new things. (I’m not sure if anyone is?) It makes me anxious. Just like, in general. I’m not worried about anything in particular. I just hate not feeling totally comfortable. Like, I really miss just walking down the street and feeling like I know what situations I’m walking into. And right now, I’m very much in a transitional period in a few aspects of my life, which is exciting but also scary. (That last phrase makes me think of this song from Into the Woods. A very cool thing to think of, I know, but this was one of the many Broadway songs in my shower rotation during adolescence.)
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m scared of the unknown. That is exactly what I’m feeling right now. Facing a new job and changing relationships and even a new writing project that I’m working on is freaking me out. But what isn’t unknown? Anything can happen at any time. But ruminating on that just makes me think about how the only thing that is certain is death, which freaks me out even more.
So. Anyway. Just a quick, unnecessary update on my feelings. I am going to watch the first episode of Cranford now for literally the eight millionth time in hopes that the soothing voices of Dames Eileen Atkins and Judi Dench will lull me to sleep.
Every year, I host a Valentine’s Day party. It’s basically an excuse for me and my roommates to decorate our apartment and get drunk with our friends during one of the bleakest months of the year. It’s also an excuse for me to make a playlist, which we know is one of my favorite pastimes. This year, I found a list of every song that’s been on the Billboard chart and has had “love” in its title and went from there. I know it’s after the fact, but if you want to listen to five-ish hours of songs about love that you can probably dance to, the playlist is here and also below.
Happy Friday! Today is a big day for me. It’s my last day at my current job. I’m looking forward to finishing things up here, celebrating this weekend, and chilling a bit next week before I start my next endeavor. I’ve never liked endings – or new beginnings – all that much, but this is one that I’m trying to embrace. Change can be a very good thing and I’m hoping for the best with this one.
Anyway, on to the things I liked this week…
1. Beverly – “Honey Do”
2. The New Yorker’s Currency blog’s profile of Klaus Teuber, “The Man Who Built Catan”
3. The debut of Cam’ron’s Dipset Cape collection at NYFW
4. A Beyonce x Missy Elliott mashup