Scary Is Exciting And Also Some Other Things

Oh, hello. I’m not sure what to write tonight because I got out of the habit of writing anything last week. During my week off between my last job and starting my new one – the first day was yesterday – and I did a whole lot of nothing, sort of purposefully I guess. I needed to do nothing pretty badly. I mean, I did a lot of errands and sent necessary emails and reported for jury duty one day, so I did do things, just nothing creatively productive.

I’m not very good at starting new things. (I’m not sure if anyone is?) It makes me anxious. Just like, in general. I’m not worried about anything in particular. I just hate not feeling totally comfortable. Like, I really miss just walking down the street and feeling like I know what situations I’m walking into. And right now, I’m very much in a transitional period in a few aspects of my life, which is exciting but also scary. (That last phrase makes me think of this song from Into the Woods. A very cool thing to think of, I know, but this was one of the many Broadway songs in my shower rotation during adolescence.)

I guess what I’m saying is that I’m scared of the unknown. That is exactly what I’m feeling right now. Facing a new job and changing relationships and even a new writing project that I’m working on is freaking me out. But what isn’t unknown? Anything can happen at any time. But ruminating on that just makes me think about how the only thing that is certain is death, which freaks me out even more.

So. Anyway. Just a quick, unnecessary update on my feelings. I am going to watch the first episode of Cranford now for literally the eight millionth time in hopes that the soothing voices of Dames Eileen Atkins and Judi Dench will lull me to sleep.


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