This year, I only asked for a few things for Christmas. Practical things. New boots (I’ve worn out a few pairs in the last year), new sheets, a new hat/gloves combo, new sneakers. I think that’s it. You know, things I NEED. I mean, I definitely want all of them. But only because I need them, I think. I really wish I could have asked for things I just plain want, but with the crushing guilt complex that I acquired somewhere in between nine years of Catholic school and growing up as the oldest in a large family, that was impossible. Also, my mom – the primary Christmas shopper in our family – never really bought me anything that I wanted unless I could get her on board with it. (Like, if I asked for most of the shit below she would say “Um, okay” but would silently be thinking “WHAT?” and then would pretend I never asked her for any of it.)  Anyway, here is a list of ten seven things I would ask for if I had no shame and I thought people would buy them for me.

Please note: I grew up extremely privileged and really have no right to complain about anything and feel so weird and guilty even writing this but I honestly couldn’t think of what else to write today.

1. A subscription to the NYRB Classics Book Club

Those of you who read my book reviews may have noticed that I read a lot of NYRB Classics. Not only are their jacket designs amazing, but very few of their books that I’ve picked up have been less than amazing.

2. Berlin Alexanderplatz (The Criterion Collection)

I still have never seen this and I often think about buying it for myself but, for some reason, have never broken down and done it.

3. Everything from Madewell

I was going to link to just the sweaters but then I realized that although I want all of the sweaters, what I really want is all of the everything. (I really, really want this metallic t-shirt dress, though.)

4. The Wes Anderson Collection by Matt Zoller Seitz

I’m a big Wes Anderson fan. But this seems like a silly thing to ask for. Also, I would like all of Wes Anderson’s Criterion Collection films.

5. An actual nice stereo system

And someone – an audiophile – to help me identify the things I would need to make that happen and then set it up for me.

6. A sizable trust fund

7. All of the weird crafting stuff I could buy at Paper Source

And here is where my ideas run out. I mean, I want like a TON of super fancy clothes but I would have to do a lot of thinking on what my top items would be. And makeup, too. (But honestly, with makeup at least, I would go out and buy an item I really wanted. The clothes, not so much.) But do I really want it? Probably not. If I did, wouldn’t I buy it for myself? Maybe there is a reason I didn’t ask for the stuff above (minus the trust fund). All of it is more stuff that I have to have in my life AND in my relatively small apartment. What’s the value of stuff, really, when it just ends up sitting around unused for most of your lifetime?

Just writing that last sentence gave me a small panic attack as I considered the worth of my book collection, which is my most prized and underused possession. Going to look at all of the items I posted above online, consider buying them to the point I put them in the shopping cart and then chicken out for the eight billionth time.